Your Meeting or Mine?
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- January
- 31
Last Friday, I had an important early-morning meeting, which involved several of my peers, plus a VP, and the head of the whole company. It began at 9 a.m., and needless to say, it was mandatory that I attend. To be at work by 9 a.m. generally isn’t a problem, but to be ready for such an important meeting at 9 means I need to be in extra early to go through my notes, drink my coffee, and get in my zone. (Not to mention, I have to beat the traffic on 287!) So on Wednesday night I asked my husband if, on that particular Friday, he could drop Owen at daycare, a job that usually falls to me.
He couldn’t. “I have an 8:30 meeting with the CEO,� he said. And then the line I really loved, “You’ll have to do it.�
Most of my stay-at-home-mom friends report that they and their husbands take on pretty traditional gender roles: The guys make the big bucks and the women take care of the domestic affairs. (As my friend Dora put it, “Leon makes the money and I do everything else.�) In my house, however, you’ll find more of a 50-50 division. Adam does dishes, I take out the garbage, and we both shower Owen with all kinds of affection. Though, when we both have important meetings at work, mine takes a backseat to his. I’m not complaining, just acknowledging how it is in my family. What’s it like in yours?
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on Wednesday, January 31st, 2007 at 2:55 pm by Mary Lynn Mitcham.
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When John and I were working we tried the 50-50 thing…in fairness, John agreed to split the housework and take care of the baby – although the daycare thing was always up to me, since he left for work about 2 hours before I did and the daycare was right next to my job. However that didn’t last very long. John was willing to give it a try but after the third “dinner” he cooked (ie called for pizza) I just told him to forget it, that I’d do it. We also tried to get him to take over some of the bill paying but once again, that was much more my forte, so that came back to me. Little by little I began taking over the more traditional “woman” tasks, but in the end it just worked better for us. I like things the way I like them, and I’m actually happier taking care of it myself. That being said, John is ALWAYS willing to chip in when I need him to and he never says “no” if I ask him to take over something I don’t have time or don’t feel like doing.
It’s my observation that it usually falls upon the mother to pick up the slack when there are work conflicts.
Now, when there are complaints about how women are underpaid relative to men this issue comes into play.
I’ve managed departments where the men, overall, were more dependable than the women when it came to putting in the extra effort to get things done. Stay later, travel at the last minute, attend a weekend conference, etc. So, all else being equal, these men were more valuable to my department. And that translates to more money and promotions. Is it fair? You can decide for yourself, but that’s the reality.
With all the talk about “family friendly� workplace initiatives, I don’t think you can ignore the fact that competitive employees will put in the extra effort and will usually be rewarded for it. Is it fair? You decide.
When it comes to family. it should be 50-50. I guess it really means the drive time. My question is what time does daycare start? and do they have an early option?
most start at 7:30. depending on drive time i think one of you could have gotten Owen there by 7 or so. you both had important meetings. The person with the longest drive gets the reprieve, in my view.
I think your situation is pretty commonâ€â€the New York Times did an article on how women felt they were sold “a bill of goods” when as children told they could have it allâ€â€and was flooded with letters to the editors. I think it may be a throwback to what they learned at home as kids: dad brought home the bacon while mom served it up in a pan. It’s amazing how in most houses the split, when it comes to caring for kids, the home, and all the family “management” details, is closer to 90-10 than 50-50. I have two daughters, and hopefully, they will fare better in this area.
I think it often does come down to salary (who makes more equals whose work obligation is “more” important). Though in your recent situation it sounded like a toss-up since you were both meeting with the heads of your companies. If nothing else, maybe this incident provides the motivation to talk about this sometime when you’re not rushed, frazzled, etc. You might ask your H., the next time we BOTH have important meetings, how are we going to handle? Put on the table what you think is fair and see how your H. responds.
I’d like to address something Tex said, re how the men he supervised were better able to stay late, travel at last minute, go on weekend conferences, etc. Gee, if these were men with families, I wonder who made it possible for them to do those things?
Right on, Deborah!
Deborah said:
I’d like to address something Tex said, re how the men he supervised were better able to stay late, travel at last minute, go on weekend conferences, etc. Gee, if these were men with families, I wonder who made it possible for them to do those things?
Exactly!! The wives made it possible. That’s the reality.
BTW, I’m Mrs. Tex, so I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective.
ok i am confused. it still takes 2 people to have a family right?
BTW, when my wife needs to go off and does. I wonder who makes it possible for her to go?
hmm.
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