‘Tis the season for camp. Here, some tips from Julie Ross, executive director and author of Practical Parenting for the 21st Century: The Manual You Wish Had Come With Your Child:

If camp hasn’t started:

DON’T be overly enthusiastic. Saying, “Wow! Camp is coming. It’s going to be GREAT, you’re going to LOVE IT!” will make your child uncomfortable about talking to you if he’s feeling nervous.

DO keep your statements and questions neutral.  Say “Only a couple more days until camp begins” or “So have you thought about which activities you’ll be interested in at camp this time?”

Whether or not camp has started:

DO watch to see if your child looks nervous when the subject of camp is brought up.

DO listen more than talk.  Stephen Covey says: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Listening means putting aside our agenda, our desires, and our wishes and hearing the truth in our children’s words.

DO acknowledge feelings of nervousness.  Say, “It seems like you feel nervous.�  If a child can’t express his feelings, they get worse rather than better.

If your child has feelings about camp, follow these simple steps:

*        Acknowledge feelings.  Say “You seem worried” or “I see you’re upset.” This allows your child to release those feelings and free herself from them.

*        Avoid the temptation to deny your child’s feelings: DON’T say things like “There’s nothing to be nervous about” or “You don’t have to be upset, camp is fun.” Denying feelings cuts off communication with your child, and doesn’t allow for solutions to develop.

*        Brainstorm solutions with your child. This does NOT mean giving your child advice, like “Why don’t we see if you can sit next to Suzy on the bus, that’ll make you feel better.” The solutions that may seem helpful to us are not necessarily helpful to our children. Instead, ask your child “What do you think you might be able to do about this?” Framed in this manner, your child then has the opportunity to “own” a solution.

*        Only offer your advice in question form, for example:  “What do you think would happen if you….” Some successful solutions other parents have offered in this manner include letting their child take a picture of the family with them to camp, giving the child something belonging to Mom or Dad that they can keep in their camp bag, or writing a note that their child can read at camp.

*        Talk to the camp. Remember than most camp directors are trained to handle this issue.  They may have some wonderful solutions other than the ones mentioned above. In addition, speaking to the director or even the camp counselor may provide you with further insight as to why your child is experiencing difficulty. Often, the solution is simpler than we might imagine, and will lead to your child having a successful and happy camp experience.