No Time for Hubby!
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- June
- 26
Are you like me? So crazed juggling kids, job, errand-running, that there’s hardly any time for my husband. When we talk, it’s mostly about who’s going to drive what kid where. I know I’m shortchanging him but I’m just so damm tired. (He has no idea how much multi-tasking; carpooling, food-shopping, playdate arranging can wear a person down.)
I can’t stand when all those magazines talk about “date night.” On most nights, I’m often in bed before him—and wake up earlier (to beat my girls to the straight iron!). Not to mention, there are many nights I’m more in a “girlfriend” mood, than a “husband mood.” (If you know what I mean…) Tell me what you think. And be honest, girls!
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, June 26th, 2007 at 9:43 am by Jeanne Muchnick.
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I think “date night” saved my marriage, but that doesn’t mean we have time to discuss regular things. It took us three weeks to agree on a vacation date because we were never home and awake at the same time—and if we were, it was, like you, to discuss who’s driving which kid where. And yes, ladies’ night out is far more relaxing sometimes than date night.
Well, maybe date night doesn’t have to be a weekly thing…I know we had date night right after we got married. Talk to me 2 kids later, and date night happens about once a month if we are lucky. But it does happen. It’s important, and it’s something I look forward to. If we didn’t make time to connect with each other, I’d just worry that someday we’d be sitting across the breakfast table and be complete strangers to one another. Oh and I do ladies’ night too – about once every 3 months my college friends and I get together (usually in Manhattan which is sooooooooo fancy to me now) and it’s always great fun, and also so important.
No kidding!!! We don’t get to do date night much either now that we have two kids and the cost of a babysitter is outrageous. What we do, however, is take a day off of work together and leave the kids in daycare to go to lunch and a movie. We try to do that at least a couple times a year. That way we don’t feel too guilty leaving them after they have been without us all week and we aren’t paying any extra money!
I bet it would be a different story if Hubby voiced these same issues. :-\
I do think there is value in carving out one on one time with the hubby.
It sounds like every month would be impractical, but what about every two or three months planning an evening (or even a Saturday afternoon when the kids are elsewhere) for doing something/going somewhere you’d both really enjoy? Planning this could give you and your H. something fun to talk about too, besides who is picking up which kid when.
I wonder if your H. has similar thoughts …. that all you guys talk about is day-to-day stuff. You could ask him! Who knows, could open up an interesting conversation …
The fact you have to plan is the issue. Planning to hang out with your spouse is ridiculous. Spontaneity is the way to be, and if you are no communicating every day then thats even a bigger issue. lets face it , if we husbands did it the way you lady’s are suggestion guess what day we wind up going out? come on i’ll give you one big guess what will happen on that weekend. Callous? damned straight.
You know what, I go out of my way to do things etc for my wife, usually just because. But ya know I also realize if its been a difficult day or 3 and then try to do something to relieve the heaviness of the situation.
You would think that you ladies would come up with something like that. But from what i read on the women only conversations, you guys dont even want a hubby. so why did you bother?
I’ll step off my soap box now.
Having a husband who’s a stay-at-home dad, Steve, I find myself agreeing with you often on these subjects (there’s a scary thought!). My hubby has his moments where he just totally needs to be away from the kids, but even so, he also recognizes that I can’t just come home and have full responsibility for the children the second I walk in the door.
Yes, I’m very fortunate this is the arrangement we have. But we also talk about this stuff all the time.
He vents when he needs to; I vent when I need to. We just listen and let the other one blow off steam. Most of the time, that’s all that’s necessary.
We’re a little luckier than most because we have family around who often are willing to babysit at the drop of a hat, but “date night” has just always seemed contrived to me.
Of course, my hubby and I have always been off-the-cuff kinda people (we got married in a drive-thru in Vegas); not big on planning out our lives far in advance when it came to our leisure activities, unless we had to buy plane tickets far in advance to get a decent fare. ;-)