Sandwich Generation
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- July
- 19
Are you, like me, in the sandwich generation? Taking care of our kids while also taking care of our aging parents? My situation with my Dad (Alzheimer’s; Parkinson’s; severe asthma; other “old age” stuff) is so bad, it’s beyond depressing (and beyond worth getting into details). Hard to keep “up” all the time—let alone “explain” the whole sitch to my kids who up until recently, didn’t “get” why Gramps was so tired and generally unengaged in their lives. Somedays I just feel really really worn out.
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on Thursday, July 19th, 2007 at 3:01 pm by Jeanne Muchnick.
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been dealing with similar issues for almost a year now . plus also had issues with my grandparents.
People who have no where near as much stress as you do, do the same thing. It’s called life. Unfortunately, Fast Food has taken a stranglehold on our culture.———————-
Also wanted to comment about your diner article from last year. Really fantastic!!! thought you’d like my youtube video on diners in the NY/NJ border area. username “nydinersdotcom” Couldn’t find any other way to send a “shout out” to you.
All the best,
Mike
I feel like this is a test at school…
“Are you caring for your aging/sick parent AND raising your children, running a house, trying to have a decent marriage and NOT lose your mind?”
My hand pierces the air, waves like a flag. “Ew, ew, ew, that’s me!”
For almost three years I cared for my mother (who was living with us) who suffered from Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and heart disease while raising two of our three daughters (the oldest away at college). My mother was actually jealous of my relationship with my daughters, one of my daughters wasn’t crazy about my mom(too much alike if you ask me), and there I was…smack in the middle. Mother’s health deteriorated as the Alzheimer’s symptoms increased, my daughter’s needed my guidance, and most days I was sleep deprived and desparate. The help I had came and went, and I yearned to have a few minutes to myself.
I took those snippets of time and wrote. I wrote every day. I wrote our fights, tears, insights and crazy/funny times that kept us a family. I hope my words might comfort you. I don’t candy coat caregiving, but I still believe I did the right thing (most days, for most of the time).
My thoughts are with you.
My book, MOTHERING MOTHER: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir is available on Amazon and in most bookstores.
Carol D. O’Dell
www.mothering-mother.com
Creating balance sounds like a joke when you’re in Sandwich Generation and feeling worn out. But carving out time for yourself is really essential and in the best interests of everyone. By finding support for your Dad, from family or community resources, you’ll feel less guilty about setting important boundaries with him. And getting the nourishment you deserve serves as a valuable model for your growing daughters.
Thanks to all of you for your shout outs and comments. Carol: I want to read your book!
I’m not in this situation as my parents died young, but I have friends who are taking care of older parents and young kids. It’s a lot of running around, especially since everyone lives in a different part of the country.
I can relate. I’m taking care of my mother (severe arthritis, high blood pressure, obesity, depression)and teenager, who’s an honor student but can be really obnoxious, demanding, and disrespectful. Not coping well at all. Dinner’s usually fast food or something heated in the microwave and the house is a mess. I feel that I’m a lousy human being because I can find time to do things I want to do, like go to the gym, but not to clean the house. And I feel guilty because, to be honest in a way that’s possible only with the anonymity of the Internet, there are times I really don’t enjoy being with my family. I know that some day I’ll be alone and it will be worse, but right now I’m overwhelmed, stressed, and wish I could escape.