Believe it or not
-
- August
- 20
To file under….Helicopter parents? What’s this world coming to? Or: I’ve now pretty much heard everything?
Two things I have to comment on:
1. My friend, who has a 17-year-old son, said this to his mother this weekend: “Why can’t you be like other moms and get me a job?”
2. Which fits into number two: According to Michigan State University ’s Collegiate Employment Research Center, the number of companies that reported parents sending resumes on behalf of a child has reached 31 percent! The number or parents that complained when their child was turned down for a job: 15%. And the number reporting that a parent had attended an interview: 4 percent.
Seriously, folks: get your kids to grow up!
This entry was posted
on Monday, August 20th, 2007 at 9:20 am by Jeanne Muchnick.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Share and Enjoy: 
| 
Print This Post
| 
Email This Post
Get me a job? your kidding right?
I got myself jobs at that age. I still get my own job.
Here’s a tip for the writers of this blog: Stop whining about other people’s kids growing up, and YOU grow up. Living in one of the wealthiest areas in the country, having a steady job, and having two healthy kids and a spouse to help pay the bills…you’ve really got it rough.
You go, lady! I am inundated with helicopter parent crap and I am sick of it. My 14-year-old still has friends whose mothers call me so the boys can get together. I’m surprised they don’t use the word “playdate.” They write to me asking about tests and homework assignments. The first time one slept over-
he was 13his mother drove an extra 20 minutes each way to bring his pillow and to hug him goodnight. One gets to know every one her kids’ teachers very well. Does she think that will help the kids get better grades? Let them form their own relationships! I’m with you. And as for Mr. Rogers-I’m sure you mean well, but this is a column for working mothers by working mothers. Based on your name, I would guess that you are not a working mother. That means you don’t “get” what working mothers go through on a daily basis. There is no way for you to understand our frustrations or our pressures, or our need to vent with like-minded women. I find this column delightful. Sometimes I think it helps me keep sane.Rona,
With all due respect this means that you believe that working mothers alone carry the entire burden of child rearing and the working fathers can care less.
I am still waiting for a blog that focuses on the father entirely. Either have a blog about Parents as there is or have a blog solely for the Father as Lohud seems to have an abundance of for mothers.
Marriage and child rearing is a 2 person commitment. Sometimes it does get lopsided but it shouldnt be lopsided all the time, if it is, that means that one side isnt communicating with the other. There are PLENTY of us father’s/husband’s out there that work in partnership with our wives. Yet all I ever hear of is the fact that father’s dont help and dont care. And when I try to discuss this fact that there are those of us out there that do help.. the blog mysteriously ends and a knew one created about another rant.
The TRUTH is many women dont want to hear from a MAN who loves his family and helps. I try to give some helpful advice but since I am a man I can never understand what you as a working mom goes through…. well you know what, you as the type of working mom’s you appear to be .. have no clue what it is for me as a working dad..
Listen either you want Equal Rights or you dont. Life isnt easy, there’s no manuals. and sometimes you have to eat it… Let me tell you I am tired of being over stuffed on life…but whats the alternative????
Now Rona not to jump all over you for your comment because Mr. Rogers was a wee bit insensitive, blogs are for ranting… however they shouldnt be one sided.
otherwise go to live journal where its all rhetorical and no answers are expected.
With that said: Have any of the working mother’s that read these blogs ever talked to your significant for more help or try to work out a better solution???
BTW i meant to say a new blog is created. my brain didnt communicate the proper knew versus new to my fingers. ;-p
Steve,
This is what I mean. There’s no way you can understand. My husband is very helpful. From what I’ve read, it seems Jeanne’s is too. But it’s a fact of life that mothers take on lots of little worries and chores that men don’t. I’m a journalist, and a few years ago I interviewed a psychologist, a PhD, who specializes in women’s issues-
and has three kids of her own. She said that even the best dad might take the baby out for a day, but the mother will probably pack the diaper bag, know how much formula to pack, know what size onesie the baby wears and when it’s time to buy the bigger size, etc. My husband cleans up after dinner and coaches the kids’ basketball team and takes them to the movies. But I have to clean after he does (he doesn’t touch anything that needs hand-washing), get the kids’ hair cut, communicate with their teachers, make them clean their rooms, buy their clothes, buy their school supplies, make sure they have a book to read, fill out all the school paperwork, make their doctor/eyedoctor/dentist/orthodontist appointments-the list goes on. Dads generally choose where they want to help. Working dads have burdens too. They should have a blog. This isn’t it. Start one!Rona,
and this is what I mean:
I am very unlike your husband. I do all that which you claim most dad’s dont do. and I am not the only father out there.
I am always after the kids about cleaning room, bathing,I take them for their haircuts. I have taken off work to meet with teachers. I buy their clothes. Shall I go on?
Both my wife and I share all the responsibility. to lump everyone into the same mold is selfish.
I was dishes too and do all the cooking. sounds hard to believe? ask my wife or anyone that knows me and the wife.
As far as this not being it? so little time. so women are the only ones that have so little time?
once again thats one sided and unfair. and i realize that the writers of this blog recently added working mother’s blog under it. but it wasnt that earlier on.
you tell me where lohud has a working dad’s blog and so be it. They even have a lohudMoms.com whats up with that????
I am sorry your husband doesnt do the lion’s share. But my friends and I all do more than our share. because we all had fathers that just worked real hard and left the child rearing to the mom. we are a new breed of man. we love our kids and want to be involved in all aspects.
Go figure that makes us bad and not fit to chime in and stick up for our kind? or is it jealousy?
Steve, you write in week after week saying how you’re the perfect husband. Perhaps it’s true. Your wife is lucky in that way. The women who write this blog do carry a large share of the burdens in their homes. They’re not alone, and that’s why this blog exists, and why it has such a committed group of readers. If men needed to vent about having the lion’s share of the work at home, they would have a blog. If men had to deal with self-righteous helicopter mothers every time they walk into their kids’ schools, they’d be venting too. Why are you reading a blog for working mothers? Just to say again and again that you’re the one perfect exception? Good for you! You don’t share our concerns. Please don’t diminish them. The issues are quite real to us.
I am far from perfect. do not put me on a pedestal.
all i say week after week, that as dad’s we deal with it as well. we deal with the same helicopter moms and also the dad’s. so all i am saying is we understand. and that i am not the only exception. as a matter of fact what i try to say every week is that the type of father I am trying to be is the norm. the way father’s were is not normal.
Both my wife and I deal with helicopter parents and thats why i chime in..if you read my very first post about the helicopter parent being told to get me a job. I responded that the kid should be getting themselves a job and not have one handed to them.
as far as why am i reading a blog for working mothers? it started out not as one. and when it changed and lohud when mommy centric I took it as an affront.
I find it very interesting that women can have girls only groups but men cant.
I think that maybe women would like to hear from a dad who tries to be more helpful and maybe help out how you can communicate with your husband the desire for him to help more…
but maybe all you want to do is complain and not find out that he is ready to help …
and trust me if a mother discovered that there was a dads only blog where men griped a mom would chime into it in a heartbeat. tell me i lie?
1. I haven’t found your comments helpful. I have found them self-congratulatory.
2. I’d love for my husband to go out with his friends, to have a guys’ group, to share concerns on a blog, etc. I encourage it. He’s not interested.
Let’s end this. I find Jeanne and Mary Lynn’s write-ups helpful. Your “I’m so perfect” responses infuriate me—but you are certainly entitled to write them.
Oh, and—jealousy? My husband may not handle all the little jobs involved in parenting and running a home, but at least he’s not a blowhard. I like him. And I like that he respects my right to share my concerns with fellow women. He understands how helpful comraderie is to me.
Let’s move on.
blow hard?! i guess you only read what you want to read.
I agree lets move on because you only see what you want which is typical.
I never said i was perfect. all i ever did was defend father’s that try to help more than the ones everyone else complains about. now all of a sudden you have your hubby’s back.
Its interesting that I never once degraded you,BUT you found it necessary to call me names and degrade my character. Most wonderful…
maybe Mr. Rogers was right in is comment after all, if you represent the women and mother’s out there….
unbelievable. But being perfect i know he was wrong and insensitive. have fun..
Bottom line: you chose to have kids. They can be a pain sometimes…and the big surprise is what, exactly? From what I can tell, many mothers around here dote and dole over their kids far beyond what is necessary and then depend some big showing of sympathy from passersby, husbands, co-workers, etc. What a load of crap. Stop bitching and raise the kids you CHOSE to bring into this world. You decided to have kids; now deal with it.
think about it we all need to grow up sometimes.
haha
nobody wants to train us not our fault we hand CVs out everywhere…..
most people get jobs through somebody
but you dont live in our generation at our age
none of you ‘mothers’ get it people come of uni with the best education and no job
I’ve been checking this post frequently waiting for a response from the powers that be to mediate this.
The lack of a response here is disheartening to me.
I would like to think that everyone, man or woman, was welcome here; and I would expect that if there were a blog for men that I wouldn’t be treated this way if I posted on it. Is it the intent that this be only a woman’s place?
I for one appreciate the male point of view and input – in my world men are as involved in family life as women – though there are definitely male/female communication differences in style of communicating.
It would also be great if there were a posting for Maria to discuss effective ways of searching for jobs and the lack of training colleges and universities give the students. It’s a global market these kids are competing against, and our children need all the help they can get to navigate ways to finding that difficult first job.
Please don’t let such an important issue lie because with this tone that has been set.
I agree With You!.
It’s not easy here in london to get a job they want more experienced people such as a 30 year old who has had other jobs but they dont want to pay for training and nobody want to take us on
so this is from the horses mouth!
why do you think we ask our family
...
you can answer that for yourself
Maria, my son tried for two years to get an entry level job in his ‘field of study’ but at the time there were no entry level jobs – and he was interviewed for several entry level positions this spring which were actually given to (1) a lawyer with ten years of experience (yes, he went on an entry-level interview); and (2) a man with five years of financial experience. I cried with him over his frustration.
Then a friend who runs her own business started working with him and he agreed to follow her directions – he went to her home dressed in a suit for an interview several times as he practiced interviewing techniques and reviewing questions and she put him through the ringer – then she gave him homework – he was to apply to at least ten jobs a day on-line—yes again full time job. It took several months of working with her and the luck of an entry level job to appear for him to break into his field. We did not have friends in this area of work and my son was in a nitch market type of job in environmental economics.
It’s not impossible Maria, but you will have to do your share of hard work every day until you make it happen. In the US there are clubs called Toastmasters which are speaking clubs that are held in businesses, some for first timers and others for people in business. Join them. Join everything. Volunteer too – it will take a change in how you think, but you will meet people and meeting people leads to jobs. And The Toastmaster people will work on your appearance, presentation and writing/speaking skills. I hope they have them in the US, I’ve never researched that.
Volunteer in the community in a field that interests you – politics, water committees, pollution committees, hospitals – that helps too and adds to your resume. You have to let people know you’re looking and start answering at least ten ads a day – monster.com and those working sites and also the corporate sites themselves list their jobs.
Locate the places you want to work, find out who works there and call the people. E-mail them. See if they will meet with you to discuss what their company wants in employees. Not the human resource people – the actual executives. There are lots of wonderful people that want to mentor kids.
I’m serious. Take that step and see what happens in a few weeks. Don’t feel sorry for yourself and blame anyone anymore – you need to take charge and make it happen and when you get that job you can make a bon fire out of the applications you’ll have placed. You are not alone in this.
Maria, I forgot to add how easy it is to fall into a depression when you have so much rejection and competition to deal with. I didn’t recognize the signs in my son until he found the right job. He had been working and was laid off with 1200 other people, but not in a job in his field. Even though it wasn’t his fault (he had wonderful reviews) he had never experienced this, and I underestimated the impact it had on his self-esteem.
I know you don’t have it easy, and as a mother I’d move mountains for my son. But I drew the line at calling employers for him – I did look at every site I could find, and constantly reinforced him and kept things on the front burner but guess what – he didn’t want me to do this, we clashed and went head to head. He was much better off with my friend and in the clubs he joined. My stress just shone through and added to his – not good.
I guess my point is that we parents need to be very sensitive to how depression manifests in young people because trying to find the first or right job ranks high on the stress list. And Maria, it’s important to know how it’s impacting you too.
Yep ive just started looking and i forgot to mention! im 16 this month! my auntie asked for me in a shop and i would have got the job but i have to be 16 and 3 months which is a shame but ill have to wait till january but im still doing studys but taking my exams in 2008 may
my sister whom turned 20 in june got a job a couple of months ago and had no job for two years aswell so i can tell there is alot of competiton as well as for me to see my dad go in and out of jobs my dad use to Work for the company BT and we movedd and he left the job which is his biggest regret and no doubt my dad has past every test on other job interveiws and dont understand that which is silly and pathetic what hope is there for me my family expesh my mum would like to move to spain as briton has let us down and its terrible here crime people everything i would like to travel when im older i do have family in boston and i know they would give me a job over there
i long to travel but for jobs i dont know what i want to do
i guess what happens happens